#onelunchstory (stories written in a one hour lunch)
It was early morning and foggy on a path in Forest Park in Portland Oregon. Bigfoot ran over a biker on crosswalk. Both claimed they had the right of way. The biker and Bigfoot got into a heated exchange. Bigfoot offered to fix the bike (it was totaled) but unfortunately Bigfoot could do very little about a broken leg.
The biker captured the whole exchange on Facebook Live. It became wildly viral although it never did eclipse Beyonce or even Kanyedashian in their heyday. Bigfoot got discovered, broke a bike and a leg but unfortunately was unable to break the internet.
So how did Bigfoot end up in Forest Park on that fine foggy morning? Everyone assumed Bigfoot was in Washington. Turns out it was Northern California. Between the cost of living and the drought Bigfoot couldn't take it anymore and headed north. Bigfoot heard they were building many new condos and could get one fairly cheap. Bigfoot didn't actually have any money but Bigfoot figured the Bigfoot brand would pay the bills.
Bigfoot also knew Bigfoot was a big deal in and around Portland Oregon. The rest of the country had slowly lost interest over the years. Bigfoot was getting long in the tooth as well. Literally. Bigfoot decided it was time to get discovered or die alone and sad and in bad need of dental work.
In anticipation of being "discovered" and moving to Portland Bigfoot had converted to veganism. Because of this Bigfoot's teeth were growing without anything to file them down. On the flip side Bigfoot decided that Kale wasn't as bad as people said it was.
Bigfoot also really liked beer since most campers had plenty of beer to pilfer. If there were three things that Portland had it was Beer, Dentists and Kale. Bigfoot figured Bigfoot would be set.
Bigfoot had already made contact some months before at the annual Sasquatch Festival. Nobody really noticed, because everyone just assumed it was a costume. To be fair people were blown away by the costume. Which really made Bigfoot want to smile but Bigfoot thought it best to keep from bearing the giant teeth in Bigfoot's mouth. Also Bigfoot got a lot of free beers that weekend.
Turns out Portland really was the best place to be "discovered." Although it had a history of being somewhat hostile to outsiders, Portland's motto to keep Portland weird really worked in Bigfoot's favor. Pretty much everywhere Bigfoot went Bigfoot got free beers and dental advice.
Bigfoot even "grew a beard" by perpetually shaving the rest of Bigfoot's body. Bigfoot also got some tattoos, one said "Mom" set on a burning heart and the other said "Vegan for Life" set on a bunch of Kale. Despite the never ending questions Bigfoot never revealed the meaning behind the "mom" tattoo. Truth was Bigfoot had no idea.
Bigfoot lives a more or less quiet life now. The biker and Bigfoot became great friends and share a garden plot in Northeast. Bigfoot is in the news now and then with headlines like "Bigfoot Scores Medical Marijuana Card" and "Bigfoot Poses for Selfie with Tourists". Bigfoot isn't even the most popular street figure (having conceding the title to the Unipiper) but Bigfoot lives happy, well adjusted and never ever misses a 6 month dental checkup.
XOXO
M. C!arke