First I slide the card, then the reader buzzes, then it tells me to put it in the slot, then it buzzes because I take it out too fast...
2 of my 3 kids are with me, the 5 year old and the 81 year old. Both are grumpy and like to hit people with sticks when they get angry, or hungry.
We are in the TARGET by the airport. We are in the last checkout lane and next to the impulse buy AISLE. You know the one, the rest of the store is downsizing it's vertical reach, except this aisle, thing appears to be 30 feet tall and full of ocean killing crap.
I'm still trying to get the card to talk to the reader, Gramps has taken off already with the cart, his cane and the unpaid purchases and Q comes up to me from the AISLE of DEAD SEA PLASTIC with a package in her hand.
"Dad I want this."
"No." I put the card back in and start over.
"But Dad I need this."
"No you don't and you don't have any money with you so you can't buy it." I type in my pin wrong and the reader buzzes at me again.
"Dad I want you to buy this for me."
"Go get someone else to buy it for you. Go and ask for the money you want to buy that thing, remember to tell them exactly why you NEED that thing." I pull the card out and it buzzes again.
"Dad I want you to buy this for ME, NOW!"
"Absolutely Not." At this point the world went telescopic. I turned my attention from the card reader to the package in Q's hands. There were no buzzes, all fell silent. It was an experience somewhere between a techno savvy cop drama and Vertigo. As my brain zoomed in on the logo on the package it grew crazy large, warped my perspective and became unmistakeable:
MY LITTLE PONY
"You don't even like MY LITTLE PONY."
"YES I do."
"No you don't."
"Yes I DO."
"You do not watch the show, you do not like the show. You do not like the books. You do not..."
"That's NOT true."
"Yes it is."
"There are too many characters on the show besides I have lots of MY LITTLE PONY stuff!"
"Exactly."
"BUY it for me DAD!!!!"
Then with all the Dad power I could muster I put the lid back on the rage bottle and said as flatly and as clearly as possible: "It's a bag with little pieces of plastic inside. You absolutely do not need it."
At that point a pleasant beep, the machines had come to an agreement and we were off. I put my card away and she put the package back on the GREAT DEAD SEA PLASTIC TRASH GYRE.
Beep.
XOXO
M. C!arke